Pants 0. Shit 1.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
