last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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