True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
