nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
