oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
