I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
