Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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