be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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