i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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