ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
