i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
