Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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