So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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