We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
