One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
