no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
