so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We just shotgunned beers for America
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
