Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
