Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
