Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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