woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
