think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
