Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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