Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I want to have your abortion
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
