As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
