i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
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It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
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While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
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