2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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