tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
