I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
