Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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