Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ketchup is God's man juice
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
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I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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