I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
