It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
