My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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