i wish my penis had a tongue
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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