Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
