I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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