I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
