If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
