I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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