So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
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I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
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by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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