Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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