Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm passing your future prison.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
