someone threw a dead crab at me
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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