So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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