Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
