And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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