I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
