Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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