why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
