Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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