My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
