So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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