She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
