It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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