I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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