You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
