I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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