I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
