guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
