Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
