my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.