Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
