The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?