well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
