I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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