Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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