there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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