i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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