we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
