Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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