Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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