Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
