I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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