Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
