You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
