He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
