omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
