Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i now understand why vodka
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
