She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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