good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize