My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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