He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
