oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize