I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
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So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
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I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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