One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
