I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Bring me that man meat
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
