I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
