Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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