dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize