It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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