I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
