I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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