She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
