I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
