there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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