I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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